I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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