I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need water and some morals
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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