I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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