Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We need to get me chipped asap
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize