dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
