my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
