loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
