community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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