When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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