He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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