Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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