I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
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It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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