I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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