I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
