Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
