don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
