I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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