just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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