So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
