So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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