If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize