Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
