It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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