Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
