happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
