sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
