I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
