I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
