the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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