I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
