My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
