I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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