Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
