She is in my trunk
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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