so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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