If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
