I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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