you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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