I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
