...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
