I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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