im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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