HIV tests are more positive than that guy
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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