Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
