Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
