Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're a waste of cheezeits
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
