If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
