you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
