Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
