Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
