sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
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She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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