We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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