Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
