I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
