Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
