Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
