she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
