Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
