Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
