In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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