Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
there was a trapeze. enough said
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
