her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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