There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
