Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
