Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
