we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
