dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
