M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
