Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

I can't find my pants or my car

(813): View more from Florida

I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...

(561): View more from Florida

ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.

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(406): View more from Montana

someone owes me an orgasm

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.

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(530): View more from California

My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.

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(806): View more from Texas

What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???

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(425): View more from Washington

Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?

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(574): View more from Indiana

its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?

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(601): View more from Mississippi

This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.

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