I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
