OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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