Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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